Invites & cards

Funny Retirement Card and Survival Kit

Instant download · ZIP with US Letter and A4 PDFs, personaliser and start-here guide

Choose a retirement joke that suits the person you're celebrating. A light-hearted gift from a friend, family member or the office: a survival-kit sheet with small items taped on, and a joke card to go with it.

Personalise in your browser
Print at home
Instant download

Also in the Retirement Card Collection: 5 templates for $21, instead of $30 bought separately · save $9.

See what's in it

Look inside

What it looks like filled in

Funny Retirement Card and Survival Kit: example page 1, filled in with sample names — Example page 1

Funny Retirement Card and Survival Kit: example page 2, filled in with sample names — Example page 2

Example made in the personaliser with sample names. Shown reduced and marked; your download has the clean files.

All 7 pages of the ready-to-print PDF

What you get

What's in the download

Inside the ZIP

Retirement Survival Kit sheet: twelve original lines about small household items you tape on, full sheet (US Letter or A4)
The same kit as a 5 × 7 in sheet with trim marks and a 2 in / 5 cm scale bar
Shopping list and assembly page with four swap lines
Folded 5 × 7 in joke card with six joke pairs to choose from in the personalizer
Matching envelope (7 3/16 × 5 1/8 in) on two sides of one sheet, with the folding steps printed on it
Start-here guide with print, cut, fold and assembly steps and a worked example

Specs

Pages: 7 per PDF
Paper sizes: US Letter and A4 (separate PDFs)
Kit sizes: Full sheet (8.5 × 11 in or 210 × 297 mm) and 5 × 7 in
Joke card: 5 × 7 in folded, 6 jokes
Envelope: 7 3/16 × 5 1/8 in (183 × 130 mm)
Accent colors: 5

Before you buy

What you need, and what it doesn't do

What you need

A printer that takes card stock or a print shop, scissors or a trimmer, a ruler, double-sided tape or glue dots, foam board or extra card stock for backing, and the twelve small items (bought by you, none included); a computer with Chrome or Edge to personalize.

How to personalise

Joke choice (front and punchline change together, both editable), retiree's name, kit title and lines, every item name and its line, envelope wording and accent color, typed in the offline personalizer.

Good to know

Digital download: nothing is printed, mailed or included; you buy the items.
Personalizer tested in Chrome-type browsers only.
The ready-to-print PDF has joke 1 and the default twelve items; the other five jokes and any swaps are in the personalizer.
Shaded boxes mark where an item goes; they are not the items' exact sizes.
How much weight the paper holds is not tested; use light items and a backing.
Physical printing, cutting, folding and assembly were not tested; geometry was measured in the PDFs.

FAQ

Questions about this template

How do I personalise it?

Do I need an account or an internet connection to edit it?

No. The personaliser is one HTML file in the ZIP that opens in your browser on a computer, with no account and no upload. Personalizer tested in Chrome-type browsers only.

Is anything printed or mailed?

Digital download: nothing is printed, mailed or included; you buy the items. You print it at home or take the saved PDF to a print shop.

Which paper sizes are included?

US Letter and A4 (separate PDFs).

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